Some things ... Some things are just too damn scary ...
This, my friends, is a Fleshlight. It's for the pleasuring of ... male ... members ...
Though it's of course not a regular Fleshlight. It's a "... Succu Dry Sex in a Can from Fleshlight, the world’s first vampire inspired sex toy for men. Take a walk on the dark side and get familiar with this pale brew. But be careful! Though this may feel like love at first bite, make sure you have wood poised to penetrate before you get completely drained!"
The Dodologist is ... fascinated by it's dedication to ... truthfulness and ... detail. As they say: "The amazingly detailed vampire mouth and fangs beg you to drive your wooden stake deep inside."
Perhaps some other day, baby.
Thanksalot to Lady Mju for the tip.